The End of my Innocence

Return to RP Stories

(( WARNING: This story pre-dates my time on Steamwheedle Cartel and as such, consists a lot of lol-lore and 'Goldshire stuff'))

If you find these notes my dear child, I will probably have passed away to the other World or you have found my dairy. In either way..I ask you to read my story my Nightsaber cub. I have a great secret to tell you about our family. I know I have always been secretive in your youth about the way I told you about grandmother and great grandmother..but there is a reason why I didn’t tell you much about them. There is also something..that I have to tell you about me, your mother. I hope you love me dear child, but I did things I would wish to forget but can’t be forgotten, especially not forgotten by you my child. A few decades ago, when your older sister Elandrial was as old as you are now, I did a terrible thing. No one knows about it, not even your older sister. You ask why I didn’t tell her about my act..let’s say I feel that you are special my child. From the moment I felt you in my womb, to the moment I held you in my arms, I felt a great sense of comfort. I hope you will one day be a great leader, a kind person, something people can look up to for advice. But most of all..I hope you will be better than me. I have made some bad choices in life..choices that I hope you will never have to make. But if you do need to take a choice..I hope you will do it with more wisdom then I ever did. I wrote my story a few years ago; when I thought it might be nice to publish it for the rest of our kin. I took the choice to refrain from that..but instead keep it a secret, for us. Turn the page of the diary my child, and read about my bad act…

Footsteps..they sounded like a marching army over pebble stones during their way to the battlefield. The battlefield where they would die with glory or do heroic deeds and return home to their loved ones. My cell was far from heroic. The walls were covered with dirt, moss and webs of small spiders that ate any unlucky flies that did make it into this hole. My situation could be compared to an insect. From all sides I felt venerable to the elements. I felt cold in my cell, cold from the stone floor where I sat on with nothing but a few ragged clothes. Cold from the small opening, close to the ceiling, where rain could easily drain inside, giving me some sort of hygiene..the only thing that gave me warmth was my baby daughter Elandrial. She lay quietly in her small basket I made out of wood twigs and moss. I am so sorry I caused so much harm to her. In those days I felt like a horrible mother..perhaps I always will be a horrible mother..this torment for her can’t be undone. The only opening through where I could hear sound during the day. But it was night..and the only thing I heard were footsteps that grew ever louder..and louder until she stood there..

‘Wake up imp, I have a little surprise for you’ she said. The head Warden was far from a person you would like to have a talk with during the morning water gathering in Lake Mystral. Her scruffy white hair hung across her elderly face. She had wrinkles..or I think she had wrinkles. The gloom of the Barrow Den made it hard to distinguish fact from fiction. My life seemed like a bad dream..I wish it was. ‘Yes Mistress, what can I do for you’ I said quietly. What a fool I was to act courteously against such a monstrosity. I did not spend long in my cell when this came to pass, a year or ten if I must take a guess. ‘Stand up and come here, you are going out for a little walk’ she said with a demanding tone. She threw a hood over my head so I could only see my feet. I felt like my last bit of freedom, my sight, was also taken away from me. The only comfort I had was that they were not allowed to permanently harm us by the law. Pftt, what was I thinking..The law? In jail 'The Law' doesn’t exist, only pain and suffering. How foolish was I to think otherwise. Through the hood I could see we left the prison and were on the forest floor. I felt the grass under my bare feet and smiled. Oh I did so miss that feeling..For a moment I had personal peace which was rudely interrupted with the hood being pulled of my head. I was blinded by the light of the Moon and was smacked on the ground, face down.

''‘You are very lucky my young rat. We Sisters have it far too busy keeping scum like you in check. Therefore, I think it would be a nice no..delightful plan to order you imps to do our dirty work’.'' The head Warden sounded like she was happy. I know she was indeed happy, but happy in her own, cruel way. She put her boot firmly on my head and tried to push it into the grass. I wanted to scream, but all I did was eating dirt. Then something odd happened. As I tried to look up, I saw another woman accompanied by a Sentinel. She also had a hood over her head. She stopped in front of me and fell down on top of me. I didn’t know what to think at the time. I thought we were going to get buried, that this was the end of my life. I would have had peace with it if it wasn’t for Elandrial..I had to carry on and tried to roll her off me. The head Warden must have been surprised with my strength since she pulled her left foot of my head. I stood up, still disorientated and I felt a terrible headache coming up.

''‘White haired rat, I want you and her to scout a stone on the other side of Ashenvale. You two have three days to accomplish this mission. If you don’t come back, we will throw your child in the river’.'' I felt like my soul was torn apart. How could she kill a child..a baby for that matter. I felt as if all the energy was pulled out of me and I dropped on my knees, like worshipping a Goddess of Destruction. I closed my eyes and tried to think back to the days where I was free to go, the days where Kalion was still sane..but those memories were old..and I was painfully reminded by the fact the Head Warden punched me in the face, causing me to fall down on my back. She continued her preach of Pain worship.. ''‘Oh..and before I forget..these are our clothes. Take these rags..’'' I felt as she said those words, many hands started to grab me by my torn old clothes, shattering them. It took little strength as I felt my last remainder of dignity being taken away from me. I felt naked, literally. Without your clothes, you suddenly realize you are nothing but flesh and bone. I felt raindrops coming down from Elune’s realm. Perhaps this was a gift or a punishment for the Sentinels, as they left me and the other women alone and disappeared into their lair of torture, the place I would call my ‘home’ for many more years to come..I quickly changed into the leather clothing which was obviously too big. The other woman was unconscious. I tried to wake her up but she was far from this reality. I almost felt jealous..I took her on my shoulder and tried to carry her. Perhaps life in the Barrow Dens had one advantage..she wasn’t too heavy carry due to the little food we got there.

When we left the area around the Barrow Den I suddenly realized how precious true freedom is. Everywhere I looked I could go, such a large world to explore. I have never felt claustrophobic, but the feeling of having to return to my small cell in a matter of days made my spirit heavy. I decided to try and not think about it. After I walked for a long time, I’m not sure if it were hours, I couldn’t bear the weight of her anymore. I dropped her on the ground and covered her with a few leaf branches to give her some warmth as she didn’t wear any clothes till then. I gathered some wood to start a fire. It took a while but eventually the fire was in place and burning. Finally, I lay down on the forest floor and put my head against a tree for comfort. I felt absolutely exhausted but I could not sleep. I looked at the woman, she was still unconscious. She didn’t look special, a bit like me, but older. I reckon she was about three hundred years old. I spent the rest of the night trawling around the fire, unsure what to do. If I should run and leave her behind but my heart said I couldn’t do it. I would endanger Elandrial with that as well..perhaps I would never see her again. No..I couldn’t do it. She was in the same mess as me probably. Finally I drank a bit of water from the nearby riverbed and fell asleep as well.

When I woke up the next morning, I watched the leaves I used to cover the woman with. To my fear, she was not there any more. I started to look around frantically. Shouting wouldn’t help so I gathered myself and stood up. By Elune was I happy to see her drinking by the river. She already put on the clothes herself. We were an odd bunch, the leather was far too large and I felt like I was wearing a robe. I quietly came closer to her, she didn’t notice me yet. Unfortunately, I hit a tree branch which shattered under my weight; she quickly turned around, gasping. I could feel her fear, she was afraid of me. ‘Who..Who are you?’ she said quickly. I tried to comfort her by smiling, but it didn’t work. ‘Ishnu’Alah dear Sister..Who is asking?’ I asked with a calm tone, or at least, I hope it was a calm tone. ‘Tharea Gladetender..and you?’ she asked quietly. I tried to observe her, I think she was older than me, but she had much more fear then me in her. I quickly remembered the time with my mother in Tanaris, I guess it banished a lot of my fear..I swallowed and replied to her. ''‘Celegil Moonwatcher pleased to meet you Tharea. Please..don’t fear me. I won’t do anything, I promise..’'' Looking back now..all those words felt like venom upon her unsuspecting soul. What a monster I am.. ‘Oh..Pleased to meet you Celegil..You are not one of..’them’? she asked while she rose to her feet. ''‘No..I am the same like you..they ordered us to look for some stones west of the Barrow Den. They said it was on the other side of the forest..I guess we should look for them..’'' Especially the last sentence came out of me with great doubt. ''‘Why..? Why should we look for them..? Why should we do something for them? The pain they caused me..’'' She sounded a lot more confident than before. I sighed and continued. ‘They have my daughter in there..like a hostage..I can’t run..’ ''‘Your daughter? How..they..never mind..We will do what you say. I guess we should break up camp and continue then.’'' She said confidently. I could only nod. She didn’t mention the fact I had to carry her for a few hours. I thought it was better to not mention it. She was one of the few, relatively, kind faces I had seen for a few years. I thought I’d best keep her a friend.

We started walking for a few hours; we covered a lot of ground during that time. Tharea walked fast in an almost angry rage and took big steps. We didn’t exchange a word during that time. For some reason I was afraid I would only upset her. At the end of the day, we reached the Falfarren. We drank some water and sat down. Tharea suddenly broke the silence. ''‘We should set up camp here tonight. No use in exhausting ourselves during our small time in freedom.’'' She said while staring to the other side of the river. I replied. ‘Very well then..shall I look for some wood? ‘That would be lovely Celegil..’ I rose from my feet and stood up, ready to collect some branches till she said something to me. ‘I am sorry for being so blunt..I had thoughts on my mind..’ she said while turning her head in my direction. ‘We all did Tharea..We all did..Perhaps we can share our stories with a fire warming our spirits.’ I said. My last sentence sounded odd, it almost sounded like I was advancing on her. I don’t mind love of the same side, but love was far from the things I was looking for at that moment. I think she didn’t mind. She turned her head to the other side of the river again, totally numb. I thought it would be best to just leave her alone.

When I returned I saw she had taken some mushrooms from a nearby tree. I came walking with a bit of timber. ‘This will be dinner tonight..It isn’t much, but what else can we do without weapons.’ She said. I smiled at her. I wasn’t particularly a mushroom lover. I heard it could make people do things they would never do when they were sober. Still, like I had a choice.. I made a fire with a small piece of stone I found lying on the ground and with some carved of timber of the logs I gathered. Our meal was not fantastic but it at least filled our stomachs’ and gave us some much needed energy. After our..dinner, we sat and watched the fire. Tharea was still looking numb as if her soul was taken away from this world and was busy in another. I looked at her and decided to break the silence. ‘It is quiet night..’ I said, swallowing. ‘It is indeed..very quiet.’ She said, still looking in front of her. ‘Perhaps..we could talk about our reasons for being in..the Barrows..?’ I said. I know the question was controversial. Sharing ones bad acts is never something taken lightly. To my surprise she replied quite positively. ''‘Why not..I guess we have nothing else to do.. Ten years ago, my husband was working on a new kind of spell that would allow someone to enter one’s mind. He hoped he would find some support with the Sentinels, seeing as it would clear away all lies. One day he went to these very Barrow’s to speak to our…our Warden. He did this out of good will..but he paid for it dearly. When the Warden read the files of our family, she instantly..she..’'' Tharea paused and looked back to the fire. ‘She slew him..’ she said. I was completely startled. I did not expect someone could be so cruel to execute someone on the spot. My mouth fell open as I saw her crying. I said. ‘By..Elune..I am sorry..sorry Tharea..’ I said, trying to comfort her. ‘Don’t be sorry..don’t be..I heard that too many times..’ ‘What..happened so you ended up here and why did she slew him..?’ I asked with hesitation. I did not want to harm her emotionally. I also quickly realized the fate of me wasn’t that bad as hers. I felt like a whiner.. ''‘After a few days, I still didn’t hear of my husband. I went to the Barrows myself. When I walked in I saw her standing with her arms crossed. She said..”Ahh..the whelp of the rat comes to see its mother..”. She grinned so cruelly…I will never forget that look. “You are hereby sentenced to life Tharea”. You Highborne blood will never rule over us again..” I was placed in a cell, they..they kicked me..in my stomach and..bl..blood came out..they killed..my child. I..I want to honor her..but they..they won’t let me go to the temple..'' Tharea stopped after this, she started to cry loudly. I lay my hand over her shoulder to comfort her though it did not help much. We sat there for an hour. I shared my story with her. She took it reasonably well. It tore open some of my old wounds..but she also did the same when she told me her story. We finally went to bed and slept a peaceful night.

When I woke up the next morning, I saw Tharea was already up and looking in the river, numb as always. I decided to let her be and pack up our supplies myself. When I finished, she turned around and just nodded, and started to walk towards the west, towards the stones that were there. We walked for three hours until, early in the afternoon, we reached the stones. It was an odd sight. They were covered in markings, and some red dye. They also stood in a fairly odd manner, a circle, like a calendar. We dropped our supplies near a large tree and decided to take a closer look.

As we came closer to the stones, I felt an odd feeling, like something was burning inside of me. Tharea didn’t seem to matter much. She walked with large steps as always, as if she wanted to get this thing over with. I couldn’t blame her, doing the Sentinels dirty work. We reached one of the larger stones when Tharea started to feel at them. I frowned and broke the silence again. ‘Tharea, why are you feeling at the stones..?’ I spoke confidently, as if making a joke. ‘Please be silent..I am trying to read them..’ she said in a tone that almost made her sound like she was lecturing me. Perhaps she was lecturing me; I guess I will never find out. ''‘You can read these markings? They are not in our tongue..that is one thing..’'' My last sentence seemed to have made Tharea angry since she closed her eyes and sighed. Then she turned to me. ''‘As I told you before..I am part Higborne, my aunt was one. She perished long ago but she was kind and told me the language. Now If you would excuse me…’'' Especially the last words sounded particularly vile. I decided to sit on a smaller rock near the large stone and let Tharea do her work. I looked on the ground and found a small red tainted stone and started to carve slowly on the rock in our tongue. I wanted to leave a mark for the Sentinels to see that me and Tharea had been here. When I was partially finished, Tharea came over to me. ''‘Do you have some piece of paper? We need to make copies of these runes, they are very important.’'' She said quickly. ‘They are over by the supplies.’ I remained on my rock. Tharea looked at me, she seemed irritated by the fact I kept sitting on the rock. I looked at her, frowning. ´I thought I was only a drag….´ I said while smirking as well. She sighed and replied. ''´No you are not..please we don’t have a lot of time..´ ´Fine..I will help you..´.''

We took some paper and Tharea and I walked to the large stone. I decided to observe the way she took a copy of the runes with a small carving stone. The runes looked fearsome, as if they had a message to tell to the travelers telling them to back off. As I saw Tharea copying the rune carvings, I decided to ask her about them. ´Tharea..do you know what these runes tell us about´. Tharea, still focusing on the runes, replied to me. ''´They talk of times long past. Before we went living among the forest. Do you know of what time I speak Celegil?’'' she said. While I took a piece of paper and the stone which I previously used to carve on the rock I tried to narrow down the subject. ‘Hmm..but those are thousands of years..what does it say exactly’. I said while sitting beside her with my piece of paper, ready to copy the runes on the paper. ''‘I shall try and translate it..but it is very hard for me..It says: All ye who touch this stone, and thy that is part of the ancient cycle must be honored. The second lines says..Thy that makes the stone glow red must be worshipped till thy perish..’'' she said slowly but carefully. She released the stone from her hands and started staring at it. I looked at her. She seemed in her thoughts again. While I watched her, a thousand thoughts wend through my mind. What if I make this stone glow red..no..I am sure my mother was mistaken..but what if.. My thoughts were unending; I swallowed and spoke to Tharea. ‘What do you think it means..?’ I spoke hesitantly. ''‘I am not sure..perhaps it was used as way of verifying ones bloodline. My aunt told me about the time our kin lived with the Quel’Dorei..they found bloodlines very important. But I think this stone is not of some..normal family.’'' She said calmly. She turned her head to me. I was trying to look as calm as possible. ‘I find it..highly unlikely..but what if..what if this is a stone..to recognize..a child who is part of the royal bloodline.’ She said, her eyes started to widen after this sentence. I also widened my eyes, but not out of surprise, but out of fear. I know my mother told me a long time ago that we were supposed to be part of this bloodline, yet very very far away. She only knew that she was the daughter, of one of the many bastard sons of Aszhara. I guess she didn’t really had a nice life and resorted to sexual acts to stem her sorrow. Somewhere I pity her..but I know she did horrible things. I was happy with the thought my mother could have been wrong. While I thought this Tharea said the following. ‘Hmm..I know it is silly, but why don’t you give it a try.’ She smiled at me like it was a totally innocent question. I guess it was an innocent question but it made my shiver in fear. I replied hastily. ‘I..I guess it isn’t needed, we..we know all of Aszhara’s children died if she did had any.’ I said. It wasn’t really convincing since Tharea started looking at me for a few seconds, saying nothing. Then she started smirking. She was on to me, I felt totally exposed again. She said. ‘Come on..you aren’t afraid are you..?’ she said while grinning at me. ‘No..No..It’s just..’ I shrugged my shoulders and said. ‘Alright..I guess it won’t hurt..I hope..’ I said. Tharea dropped her grin and smiled normally again. I sat down more comfortably in front of the stone and slowly put my hand on the red runes. The time seemed to stop. I felt my heart was pounding like a mad Ogre trying to smash a rock in two. We waited a few seconds. To my hearth’s content, the stone didn’t glow red. I sighed loudly and Tharea started to laugh. ''‘Why were you so hesitant Celegil..see! It doesn’t do anything.’'' I smiled a little. I was thanking Elune inside myself thousand times over. How stupid I was..When I tried to pull my hand of the stone..I felt some kind of energy through my fingertips going into the stone. I rapidly pulled my hand of the stone and looked at my hand. It was bright red as if the skin was torn of it. I gasped for breath as I saw how I left a red mark on the stone as the place slowly started to glow. I felt as if the entire weight of the world was dropped on my shoulders and I almost crumbled my own head down inside my arms. Tharea watched me with great interest, as if she saw me like an animal. I screamed it out.. ‘How can this be possible..this is wrong..this can’t be true, stop this nightmare!’ Tharea didn’t respond to my cry of agony. Instead, she slowly started to grin. At first I did not notice this..but as I saw her mouth turning into a large grin, I stopped screaming and looked at her. She broke the silence I had made. ‘Well..Well..I am one lucky Woman..the chance to arrest a child of the bloodline and the chance to finally be freed of my prison..’ The only thing I did was dropping my jaw open. How could she do this to me? I did not harm her in any way..I am not like my family! ''‘Why..Why do you say this? I am different..’'' I said quietly. ‘Of course you are..From the moment I met you, you had something odd going about you..and now it is time to end your blood forsaken line once and for all!’

Before I could say anything Tharea rose to her feet and ran east in the direction from where we travelled. I was still stunned, but bit on my lip and ran after her. She was a fast runner; I could almost not keep up with her. We ran for minutes and it was during this time I feared the worst for Elandrial. What would they do if they found out about this? Were they going to burn her..burn a child? How could they…but they did not see us like normal beings, we were like demons. I felt filthy, unwashed. Suddenly I heard a large splash of water from up ahead. As I ran nearer, I saw Tharea fell into a deep mud pool and was struggling to get free. It was at that moment my instinct took over my common sense. I jumped on her like a wild animal and started to hit her with my fists in her face. She was unable to dodge my blows because her feet were stuck in the mud. I grabbed her neck with one of my hands and gave her a large blow on her nose; I felt something shatter under the pressure. A normal being would have let go..but I was no normal being at that moment..I grabbed her head and pushed it under the water, holding it there. I heard Tharea gurgle under the water as she was chocking. As I hold her there longer, I felt her struggling was slowly ceasing..and finally, I felt no more struggle anymore..I sat there for minutes, breathing heavily like a monster that lost control. Slowly I regained my senses and took in the magnitude of my act. I finally let go of Tharea..and looked at her floating corpse with agony. I quickly climbed out of the deep pool and dropped my head against a tree. Many thoughts started to cloud my mind. The two Sentinels and Kalion..that was a spur of the moment..but this..I really murdered someone..The Sentinels were right..I am a little killer..How can I ever amend my deed..How will I be able to explain this to the Sentinels..

I decided to rise and walk back to the Barrow Den. I didn’t stop to sleep as my act was far to fresh to sleep over it. After a long night walking, I finally reached the Barrows and knocked on the small door. I had hoped a normal Sentinel would come out, but I did not deserve that kind of luck, it was the Head Warden. She pulled me inside as her hand grabbed my neck, I was gasping for breath as she screamed at me. ''‘Where is your friend!? Where is she?!’'' Her hand on my throat made it hard to talk for me but I managed to squeeze out a few words. ‘She..she was…eaten..by..Saber..’ As I finished this sentence, the Warden loosened her grip for a moment, but quickly tightened her hand around my throat again. ''‘Then why did you not defend her? You coward!? How could you leave her alone, you are like a rat! Good for nothing! Away with you!’'' Before I could say anything, I felt she dropped on the floor, took my arm and dragged me over the cold stone floor I was all too familiar with. I was too tired to resist. As we reached my cell, she literally threw me inside. During mid flight I was wondering how she could lift an adult sized woman, but that thought was quickly replaced with shattering pain as I crushed against the wall, feeling a crack in my arm. I gasped for breath as a stinging pain took me over. The Warden smacked the door of my cell and yelled something about no food for a day. I did not care..I only grabbed my arm and sat in a corner. Some of the pain was taken away when I saw they did not touch Elandrial at all. I took her in my other, unbroken arm and let her on my breast. She must have been starving. As she was drinking from me, I slowly faded away into sleep. All the events of the days that had passed completely wrecked my spirit. I always found peace in sleeping during my time in the Barrows. My arm never totally recovered from that smack at the wall. It still aches a bit when I use it too much. Neither did my spirit recover from these days. I will always remember the way how I murdered Tharea..I am a monster, and will be a monster for the rest of the nightmare called my life..