Talk:The Martyr Part 1

Those who took Elizabetha's eyes were not caught.

It's not clear who it was who brought her to Thel'danis in Uther's Tomb.

Elizabetha's eyes were stabbed out with a dagger, not ripped out with fingers.

Elizabetha was still in shock, hurt and somewhat out of herself when Imoen and Saryah came to her at the Temple of Elune. Aanson dropped by, too.

Elizabetha was in one of the towers that are part of the temple grounds, not a hut.

No druids were there to see Elizabetha. Almalodaka and Honoria were there, though. And after that, Saryah and Imoen, and finally Aanson, I believe. If any NPC would've been there, if would've been a Priestess of Elune.

Elizabetha did, despite her pain and feelings of having been violated, remind Imoen of the ways of the Light, indeed, but did so terribly shaken due to her ordeal. She was not as calmn as depicted here. And when comforted by Honoria, she was clearly upset, at the point of crying (though without any tears, obviously), hence the comforting.

The parts that are humourous seem to take away the seriousness of the whole situation, making it a little odd to read as it suddenly goes from serious to funny to serious again.

Those are my thoughts on this piece.

--Elizabetha 15:38, 8 April 2007 (BST)

What i've changed.


 * Elizabetha is now in a tower not in a hut - I really couldn't think of the word at the time to call them so that's why I called them huts.


 * Imoen now interputs the Knights to make it clear that Imoen never does find out who actually saved Elizabetha IC she only found out that some night elves saved her. However I have added a line that tells the reader who saved her.


 * Cut out Honoria's "To hide your...magic" line as reading back on it didn't suit the character at all. And it is now more to what I can remeber how honoria was like to me and Sarah.


 * Cut out hopefully comic scene of the Innkeeper turning into a crab, as I thought it didn't work. Instead i've shown more character development instead.


 * Changed Night elf druids to Night elf priests.

Thing's I've kept in and why.


 * Aanson has been left out of this scene for many reasons, for one Aanson doesn't paticulary like Elizabetha and he only likes her because Imoen does. At the moment he is with Suzanne waiting to see if Elizabetha will come back to stormwind. They have no idea what has happened.


 * The hopefully funny scene has been kept in for two reasons, one is I want to make some light heated moments as Imoen's story is extremly dark I want to start the story with some light hearted moments before I take the story to new levels. The second is stuff like this actually does happen in Imoen's world I don't plan to have these kind of events happen all the time only for the first few chapters.


 * Elizabetha is still the same when Imoen meets her, I can't really remeber any pin point moments where Elizabetha said anything completly unlike her, this was months ago remeber and all I can remeber of Elizabetha showing her true side is later on in the story in the meen time from what I can remeber towards Imoen she was more concerned about Imoen's lust for revenge. Whisper me if there is anything you want me to put in I have no problems with that.


 * I have also for the time being I've added a more clearer disscusion so the reader can see how Imoen sees Elizabetha.

--Imoenak 12:41, 9 April 2007 (BST)

I like it much better now, though I still think Elizabetha is taking it a bit too lightly. I remember RPing her almost a wreck, crying and pratically out of herself - a result of having strangers overpowering her and physically maim her. If you want to keep the point where she lies down, she would've not resisted help, and mostly likely weep at her newfound inability of even lying down by herself without bumping into things. I do like, though, how you depict her having a blank stare, when Honoria tries to comfort her.

Once again, ripping is not the word you should use, as it hints that someone pulled out her eyes with their bare fingers. A knife was used, and stabbed them out, not sparing the eyelids and the occular tissue behind them.

As for Aanson, I reckon that you had some idea as to why he's not there, but when we RPed this he was present, along with Imoen and Saryah.

Saryah would be the correct spelling, I might add. She still plays the game, for that matter.

--Elizabetha 22:25, 9 April 2007 (BST)

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Ok should be all done now, please say if there is anything else wrong or if anouther Script needs tuning

Thanks = )

Imoenak