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Scene Seven
(Elizabetha and Stoen arrive at Stormwind.)

Stoen:We're...w'ere here...

Elizabetha:Ah. Stormwind. Here we will find all the great heroes that will help us end our quest.

(In a quick succession we see a few scenes of "Heroes" making up excuses for not helping them on their quest.)

Druid: My fellow Elves tell me many stories of your deeds... As do the Humans... The Dwarves...

Female Paladin: I'm afraid my husband is bed ridden, and can't come. He has a bad case of Commoniae Coldus....

Druid: The Trees... The Animals... The Flowers...

Mage: Er... I've got a chicken in the oven...? Yes, that's it! Have to go! Bye!

Druid: The wind... The sky.... The clouds... The Stars...

Warlock: Sorry. My Succubus grounded me.

Druid: The Earth... The Stones... The Mountains... The sand...

Warrior: Zomg! RPerz! Lolrz! Noobs! (Goldshire backround)

Druid: The mail boxes... The Fences... The Lamp posts... The Gnomes...

New Scene Eight by Rich
Magwitch: Brothers and Sisters! Praise the Light!

Congregation: Praise the Light!

Magwitch: Everyday, our most glorious Crusade slowly, but effectively, rids our home in the north of the foul hands of the Scourge! Praise the Light!

Congregation: Praise the Light!

Magwitch: But our mission, here in Storwind is a different one! We come to rid the last bastion of humanity, of the filthy Tree Rats (shot of Teliviel), the gold-loving Tunnel Rats (shot of Dwarf), the annoying, polution-bringing Miget Rats and the disgusting blue demons (shot of a Draenei) that invade and weaken it, like a parasite infestation! (Sounds of dissaproval from the Dwarves, Elves, Gnomes and Draenei)

Congregation: Light be praised!

Magwitch: Humanity and the -true- citizens of Stormwind must stand up for their freedom, their rights, their jobs, ...

Teliviel: Excuse me! I want to talk!

Magwitch: One of the Tree Rats dares interrupt our glorious preaching of the Truth!

Teliviel: Yeah, right... I'm Teliviel TarShaila (Gasps from Congregation) and I think you should stop poisoning the mind of these people, and return to where you belong!

Magwitch: You! You are the dirt, evil Tree Frog who opened the gates of Ahn'Quiraj, releasing it's insectoid horrors unto the world!

Teliviel: ...and thus helped defeat them before they grew too strong for us!

Magwitch: Silence! You and your so-called Dragonslayers shall be judged for your crimes!

Teliviel:(Sigh) This isn't going anywhere. I'm going back to Outlands... (Turns and leaves)

Magwitch: Flee, oh Scarab Lady! Flee, long-eared, Tree adoring, Moon worshiping, bug-releasing betrayer of Azeroth! Spawn of rotting filth! Flee from the justice of the Light!!

Congregation: Praise the Light!

Habeus: And now, let us sing the Scarlet Hymn!

Talioner: (Adding to Habeus, irritated) In E flat!

Habeus: ...In E flat...

(Congregation sings the Hymn)

(After the end of the prayers)

Habeus: An excellent preech, Sister Margret.

Magwitch: Thank you, High Emissary Habeus.

Habeus: You can make the most evil and depraved people, like me, seem angelic by comparison. And the Mission owes you for that.

(Magwitch bows)

Dufferin: High Emissary Habeus.

Habeus:Yes, Brother Dufferin?

Dufferin:An Apostate and a Gnome wish to speak to you.

Habeus:I am in a good mood today, brother, so I shall grant them the pleasure of hearing my kind, ye false words of support. Did they leave names?

Dufferin:Ex-Sister Elizabetha Istro and a Stoen Pongram.

Habeus: Oh dear, not her! I'd better hurry her out, before she puts any of her ethical and love rubbish in to more of our members. She's got too many friendly faces in the Mission as it is.

(Habeus walks in to the room)

Elizabetha: Who's there?

Habeus: Hello, dear Ex-Sister Elizabetha.

Elizabetha: Hello, Brother Habeus. May the Light protect you.

Stoen:H-Hello...

Habeus: (Severely)...Hello. (More pleasent) What can I do for you today?

Montywort: Hello, there!

Habeus: Damn! Not him again.

Elizabetha: Who's that?

Montywort: Montywort Thandrel, Human extraoirdinaire!

Stoen: H-Human?...

Montywort: Brother Habeus, your excellency! I have returned again to your most glorious presence, to, once again, offer my most humble services to you and the Scarlet Crusade!

Habeus: As I've said hundreds of times, Gnome, you may -not- join the Crusade, until you have successfully retrieved the seven golden invisible and intangible orbs of absolute unexistence.

Montywort: If that is your final word, oh great High Emissary, I shall return at a later date with these orbs of unexistence you so desire! (Turns and bumps in to Stoen) Oi! Watch where you are going!

Stoen: S-sorry!

Montywort: Well you'd better be. You should never get Montywort the Great angry. I could tell you horrible stories of what I do to ...(Teleports away)

Stoen: Wh-where?

Habeus: Yees... He sometimes does that. He simply teleports himself away accidentaly. In the worst scenario, he will be back in only a few minutes.

Elizabetha: What a strange Gnome...

Habeus: Indeed. Now, how may I help you?

Elizabetha: I am afraid I am here to ask for your help with a problem we have. Stoen found a lost staff recenly, and we hope to find it's owner, who may need it.

(Stoen shows Habeus the Staff)

Habeus: By the Red Fiery Light of the High Crusaders Undergarments! It's...

Elizabetha and stoen: What?!

Habeus: Er...nothing....For a moment...er... I thought I'd seen someone I knew...

Elizabetha: Oh.

Habeus: So, where did you say you found this artifact of pow...I mean, Staff!!

Elizabetha: Theramore. Stoen fished it at the dock.

Habeus: Alright then. And you say you want to return it to it's owner?

Elizabetha: Yes.

(Stoen nods)

Habeus: What else do you know about it?

Elizabetha: Nothing. The only other thing that came with it was a map pointing to Stranglethorn Vale. We hope to find the owner there, but we need help getting there. Will you help us?

Habeus: No.

Elizabetha: No?

Habeus: No. The Mission is occupied with much more important issues.

Elizabetha: Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. Sorry for the bother.

Stoen:B-but...someone might...might...I mean...Sorry.

Habeus: Our Mission here is more important than returning lost property. Good luck with you quest. Good day.

Elizabetha: Good day...

(Habeus leaves and walks down in to the crypts)

Magwitch: Montywort: Harsufeld:

(Habeus arrives at the Cripts where the Emissaries are)

Habeus: I have... interesting news.

Dufferin: Yes, High Emissary?

Habeus: One of the great artifacts of Drolrevo LiveYtsan has been found.

(Gasps)

Dufferin: Not, Istro and the Gnome?

Habeus: Yes.

Magwitch: I say we burn them!

Deputy Proctor: Woo! I'll get the wood!

Habeus: No. We have to let them find all the artifacts. The reason, I have told you, once before, Emissaries. A secret I hope you have kept safe.

Dufferin: Indeed. But we cannot trust any of 'them', High Emissary.

Habeus: That is why we must let them find it themselves. The gnome is weak, and Elizabetha is blind. It should be easy to take them from them once they have them all and before they realise what lies in their hands.

Proctor: But what of Montywort Thandrel?

Montywort: Did someone call?

Habeus: What are you doing here? Leave! I will not admit you in to the Crusade, Gnome!

Montywort: I am not a Gnome! I'm a human of stunted growth!

Magwitch: Burn him!

Deputy Proctor: Yes!

Habeus: No! I have a better idea, Gnome...

Montywort: Human.

Habeus: Human... If you succeed in a mission I have for you, I shall admit you in to the Crusade.

Magwitch: What?!

Montywort: I accept!

Habeus: Good! Now listen very carefully to my instructions...

(Fade out to entrance of the Cathedral)

Old Scene Eight by Rich
(Frontal view of the Cathedral)

(Change to inside of Scarlet Refectory)

Habeus: Dufferin! I need to send a letter to the Grand Crusader in Tyr's Hand. Prepare to take dictation.

Dufferin: Yes, High Emissary.

Habeus: (Cough) Dear Boss... cross that out... Beloved Grand Crusader...No...Beloved Master. How's life up there in the Plaguelands?...No... cross it out...I hail your greatness, Oh Great Owner of My Humble Will! How're the kids?

Dufferin: He has kids?

Habeus: My word, he doesn't, does he? Cross out kids and write Minions... I hope all is well at Tyr's Hand! I'm writting just so you know that our mission is going very well. We already have half the city under our command and the King is about to succumb to our power. Sister Magwitch has been made the High Priestess, aaaand...Sister Suzanne is the New Permanent High Chancellor, aaaaand Brother Dufferin is the Archbishop!

Dufferin: I'm Archbishop?

Habeus: Well, you know... the Grand Crusader expects us to exagerate a little.

Dufferin: Quite. Just a little! (Ironically) Won't he find out that none of it is true?

Habeus: Don't worry about that. Even if he does find out, he can't touch us here in the Monastery. He hasn't got any agents here... apart from us... and we are us.

Dufferin: Suit yourself...

(A Scarlet comes down)

Scarlet 1: Brother Habeus. Elizabetha is upstairs to visit you.

Habeus: How nice of her.

Scarlet 1: Too nice...

Habeus: Yes. Completely ruins our groove, as Evil Missionaries.

(Habeus walks upstairs)

Habeus: Hello, Elizabetha.

(Elizabetha kneels)

Elizabetha: Hello, Brother Habeus. May the Light protect you.

Habeus: How are you fee... What's this doing here? (Turning to Stoen)

Stoen: Um... I...

Elizabetha: He's my companion.

Habeus: Elizabetha, Elizabetha... Hanging with Gnomes. (Sigh)

Stoen: Wh-what?

Habeus: The Crusade deals only with Humans, dead and alive. We kill the first, and convert the second.

Scarlet 2: How about Montyw...?

Habeus: Shhh!

Montywort: Hello, there!

Habeus: Damn!

Elizabetha: Who's that?

Montywort: Montywort Thandrel, Human extraoirdinaire!

Stoen: H-Humans?...

Montywort: Brother Habeus, your excellency! I have returned from the quest you sent me! I have the seven golden apples of Elune, here for you!...actually six. I was hungry... May I finally join the Holy Scarlet Crusade?

Habeus: *Sigh* (Aside to Scarlet 2) I thought I had made the apples up... (To Monty) So, you are still as determined to join us?

Montywort: Yes!

Habeus: No second thoughts?

Montywort: No!

Habeus: No other objectives in life but the path of the Holy Light?

Montywort: No!

Habeus: Damn. Then I have another great quest for you!

Montywort: I shall take it gladly!

Habeus: You must venture in to the lands of the great turtle gods, and collect all seventy six crystal hamburgers of Mystic Energy!

Montywort: I shall get myself ready, then! (Turns and bumps in to Stoen)

Stoen: Aww! Th-that...h-hu...

Montywort: Look were you are going Gnome!

Stoen: I...You...Sorry...

Montywort: You'd better be Sorry.

(As the gnomes 'argue')

Elizabetha: Brother Habeus. I need to speak to you privately.

Habeus: Yes, let us go to a private room.

(Both move out and scene returns to Stoen and Montywort)

Montywort: You gones are all such insane, hyperactive big-mouths!

Stoen: Uhm...

Montywort: I could tell you horrible stories, about what I do to Gnomes like you!

Stoen: I...

Montywort: I grab your little neck and I... (teleport)

Stoen: (Gasp)

(Cut to Habeus and Elizabetha)

Habeus: So, what do you want to ask of me?

Elizabetha: Brother Habeus, Stoen found a sword, lost at the bottom of the sea. We seek to return it to it's rightful order.

Habeus: That's very... nice of you.

Elizabetha: Thank you. We think the owner might be from Stranglethorn Vale. But those lands are dangerous, and we might need an escort.

Habeus: So, you want my help?

Elizabetha: Yes.

Habeus: Hmm... can I see this sword?

Elizabetha: Yes. Stoen has it.

(Cuts to Monty walking back in to the Cathedral)

Montywort: Damn, this teleport. Good it didn't teleport me too far this time!

Stoen: Wh-what..it...

Montywort: Get away from me, Gnome!

Stoen: Sorry...

Montywort: I'm going downstairs. I'm hungry.

(Elizabetha and Habeus walk back and Monty walks down to the refectory.)

Habeus: So, that Gnome Stoen has it?

Elizabetha: Yes.

Stoen: Elzbeth...

Elizabetha: Stoen, show Brother Habeus the sword.

Stoen: Umm... I...(sigh)

(Stoen takes out the sword)

Habeus: Holy LIGHT!

Elizabetha: What?!

Stoen: Hum?

Elizabetha: Do you know it's owner?

Habeus: No! Not at all. I... I can't help you.

Elizabetha: Can you at least give us an excort to Stranglethorn?

Habeus: Sorry, no no! Such a...minor job doesn't require the help of the Crusade. I have complete trust in you! And... er... the Gnome.

Elizabetha: Oh. I'm sorry you couldn't help us more.

Habeus: Maybe next time.

Elizabetha: Farewell, Brother Habeus. Light be with you.

Habeus: Light be with you, and all that. Off you go!

(Elizabetha and Stoen leave)

Habeus: Quick! Everyone! I've found one of the Artifacts of Power!

Scarlet 2: What?

Scarlet 3: Wonderful, Brother Habeus!

Scarlet 4: Where is it?

Habeus: Elizabetha Istro has it, and some Gnome.

Scarlet 3: Praise the Light! We have to get the artifacts from them.

Habeus: Wait, not yet! They might know where the rest of the artifacts are.

Scarlet 4: We must follow them, then. With a spy!

Scarlet 3: Yes. And when they have the artifacts...

Scarlet 2: ...Our spy takes them all!

Scarlet 1: But who?

Habeus: I've got someone in mind...

Montywort: Hello there. What's going on?

(Next we see, is Monty running out of the Cathedral yelling "For the Light!")

(Description of the rest: Giving up on Stormwind freelancers, Elizabetha and Stoen decide to go ask help from the Scarlet Mission. On arriving they talk to Habeus and show him the Artifact. They also speak to other Scarlets and to Montywort, who seems to have problems with his Blink. Habeus pretends he doesn't know what the artifact is, and refuses to help, saying that such a "simple" quest does not require the help of the Scarlet Mission and that he has complete confidence in Elizabetha ("and..er... the Gnome..."). As Elizabetha and Stoen leave, Habeus tells Montywort that he wants the Artifacts for himself and for the Grand Crusader and orders him to follow the pair at a distance and to steal bring back the Artifacts they find. )

Characters: Elizabetha, Stoen, Druid, Mage, Female Paladin, Warlcok, Warrior, Habeus, Montywort, Members of Scarlet Missionary. Random people

(Possible Rogue reply: "Sorry, but I had a terribly shaving accident in front of the mirror this morning. I forgot I was stealthed, and I cut off my nose..." - contributed by Elizabetha)