Steamwheedle Epics 2

[Ceara's anger] Equip: steals body part of any fallen foe
 * + 50 rage
 * + 200 bad mood

Use: murders someone near bye

"Theres a head in this bag"

[Aeowen's Blade]

two-handed sword

1000-2000 damage

500 Damage Per Second

Equip: Gives the wielder +700 chance to fall inlove with murderous demons.

Equip: Aura of the Drunken Dwarf Destroyer; may give user urge to attack Thorack.

[Thorack's Ornate Breastplate]

Bind on Equip

Chest

Armour : 313

Equip: Whilst wearing your chance of being stabbed by Aeowen is increased.

Use: User will forget the armour is there as it is so thin so will most likely be stabbed in every incident.

Durability 0/0

[Thorack's White Ram]

Mount

Bind on Pick

Use : 50% faster speed.

Use : Carrying all of Thorack's Gear and Thorack himself.

( 50 % Faster when Thorack is riding as he is extremely overweight)

[Thorack's Urge]

Unique

Trinket

Equip : 100% chance you will be drunk within a short time.

Equip : Urge To pull out human eyes and eat them.

" I, Eye an Ale."

[Thorack's Rifle]

Unique

Gun

Bind on Pick

100-2000 damage

Equip : 50% chance you'll hit your target.

Equip : 50% chance you won't hit your target but will definately hit an innocent or team-mate.

" I NEVER miss, I always hit somethin'"

[Bloodaxe Sanity]

Unique

Bind on pick

Trinket Chance on hit : Wearer screams " I'm noot ald!" and fires his gun.
 * - 100 sanity.
 * + 100% chance you'll be more wounded in the outcome of the next battle.
 * + 100% you'll go on a suicidal rampage in order to defend someone.

Note: If the gun is Thorack's Rifle you will fire the gun in the complete wrong direction and hit an innocent.

" I'm noot ald, I'm noot fa' and im not a drunk! ... Hic "

[Kisun's madness]

Head

10 Armor Eqiup: Makes the user repeat  The white wolf sees everything while in Stormwind City. Chance on hit: May force Holyna to run away in fear of the users madness talk about The white wolf.
 * +100 Madness
 * -10 intellect

"The headband is slightly glowing with Holy Fire.."

[Elizabetha's Cookie Bag]

Held in off hand. Use: Summons one or two Rp channel members to fight for you.
 * +100 Rp channel rep
 * -200 Armour

Chance on hit: Is stolen and placed on the black market.

[Holyna's Death Routine]

Trinket Equip: Causes numerous pshyco Demon #!!@@es to chase after the wearer
 * -100 Spirit
 * -100 Intelligence

Chance on taking hit: Kisun comes to the rescue!

"The scroll smells rather like Booty Bay tobacco"

[Aeowen's Eyeball]

Unique

One Usage

Use : May be eaten to reduce health points by 500 whilst increasing chance of drooling blood.

[Cranston's Power]

Unique

Trinket "Burn, Burn B-B-BURN MUHAHAHA - Oops that's a Frost spell!"
 * + 100 Arcane Damage
 * + 100 Frost Damage
 * + 100 Fire Damage
 * - 300 Sanity.

[Anatharg's 'Condition']

Unique

Trinket

Warlock Use : Convinces you that you are no longer a warlock but a paladin.
 * + 100% Running speed

Equip : You are now scared of your imp and will run away from it.

" Lalalala... laaaa de da! Argh, an imp! Stop following me! Leave me alone! "

[Magnian Bloodaxe's Mace]

Unique

One Handed Mace

Damage : 10-19 " No Lilluns for yew! Argh Don't hurt me! ME? ANNOYING?!"
 * +50 Chance to be Hated by all factions and social groups.
 * +50 Chance of hitting a large male creature in the privates.
 * -99 Chance of reaching the age of 45

[Scarlet Tabard] Equip: -500 reputation per second with the population of Goldshire.
 * +19810 Insult resistance

[Magwitch's forum post of SWC epics]

Trinket Chances on read: Neighbours knocking on door wondering who's dying since they heard "screams" and sounds of someone "crying".
 * +1000 genius
 * - one pair of clean under pants

[Harsufeld's Red Helmet] Equip: Makes the bearer oblivious to everything.
 * +50 Scariness
 * -100 Intellect

[Harsufeld's Axe]

Use: Makes the user look slightly scarier. has no effect in Goldshire

[Ormsby's Everchanging Robe] Equip: Gives the bearer a robe that suits them best.
 * + 100 Fashion Sense
 * + 50 Nobility

[Ormsby's Soul Sword] Use: 100% of sword glowing red and scaring all enemies within 10 feet.
 * + 1000 Evilness
 * - 10000 Originality

[Mylla's Mylla-ness]

BoP Use: Makes you irresistable.
 * +100 listening skill
 * -100 caring skill

[The People's Militia Cellar-door]

Shield Equip: Grants the wearer massive powers and god-like abilities.
 * + 50 Frustration
 * - 50 Imagination

Use: 98% chance of breaking in or out even though the door is heavily guarded.

Use: 50% of running into a drunken Pike on duty.

[Pike’s Pike]

Binds when picked up

Two-Hand Polearm
 * +40% of getting hit on by Janner Pike
 * +30% of getting into a barfight with a Juven Pike
 * +30% of getting yelled at by Eva Pike

[Halmar's Horn]

Off-Hand Use: 20% of going blonde.
 * + 100 Drinking alone
 * - 50 Intellect
 * + 900 Falling into the Canal

[Clareh's Staff of Manipulation]

Two-Hand Staff Use: 14% chance of turning the enemy into demon-dog litter.
 * + 90 Quiet Watching
 * + 200 Mastermind Calculation

[Lobar's Treasure Chest]


 * + 50000 Gold

[Iriana’s Spikes of Horror]

Mace
 * + 1000 Obedience
 * + 500 Pain
 * + 60 Glare

[Caliyen's Turtleneck]

Shoulders
 * + 60 Wheezing

[Nomine's Stolen Dagger]

Main hand - Dagger

73-137 Damage - Speed: 1.50s (a quintizillion damage per second)

Requires "being Nomine"

Chance on hit: applies some nasty poison that eats your face. Really.

Unequip: If you are not Nomine, your character will be looking over his/her shoulder, waiting for an ambush anytime.

"It looks nice enough to put on a fireplace".

[Plans: Improving my position]

Requires: The Dark Embrace - Friendly

Use: tries to overthrow the current leader of the guild. If the attempt fails, expect some spanking.

[Half-devoured lingerie]

"Bad Thog! Bad!"

(Drops from Thognagma - Lashela's minion)

[Darkly blessed mace]

One hand - Mace

1-5 damage - Speed: 5s (laughably damage per second)

"That's not blessed! It's just a piece of wood from the former townhall!"

[Dead and beheaded cat]

Quest item

"Nothing sends a message like a dead kitty"

[Entriia's lovely clothing]

Armor - Chest

500 Armor - Leather

Use: turns [Entriia's lovely clothing] into [Entriia's torn clothing]

"I hope this endures longer than the last one..."

[Entriia's torn clothing]

Armor - Chest

2,5 Armor - Rags

Equip: increases your Purring skill in 5.

Use: makes a TDE officer stop being angry at you.

"Not again, mistress..."

[House Alania's Rolling Pin]

150-250 damage, 2.8

requires: House Alania-Exalted

use: Tames a humanoid target, controlling it for up to three days.

use: Judges a target, increasing their Obedience by 50. Last one hour

"It looks bloody..."

[Mechanical Stoen]

Binds when picked up

Use: Right Click to summon a miniature Stoen. Pinch his cheeks and hear him whine about how violated he feels. Requires a Hairball to summon.

3 Charges

[Rosaceae's Dictionary]

Binds when equiped

Trinket

Use: Grants the wielder perfect control of all languages

[Shisei's Hammer of Angry Furious Justice] Use: Hammers all whom she consider "perverts". Mostly useable on drunk dwarves with guaranteed 100% hit.
 * +200 Rage
 * - 500 Patience
 * +150 Recklessness

An additional +30 Strenght when used on Draeneis named "Grísha".

[Ricadonna's Ring of Schemes]

Equip: Causes you to gather your own mob of minions for some odd unexplained useless reasons. Demons not included.
 * +250 Suspicious Behavior

[Napolon's Sunglasses] Equip: Causes you to look SO fabulously evil and cool, and you know it! Only equipable on Blood Elf males.
 * +400 Fabulousness
 * +25 Coolness
 * - 100 Seriousness

[Shisei's Flowerpick] Equip: Causes you to run uncontrollably into the nearest Herb you see on the map, screaming "I SEE HERB!!", while aggroing five mobs and getting killed before getting to it half-ways (99% chance). Not recommended to equip while in group instance; will cause wipe with 99.99% chance.
 * + 100 Herbalism
 * + 500000000 Reckless behavior.

[Gary's Book of Clients]

Trinket Use: Sends all ex-clients in the current area fleeing in terror at possibility of sordid stories being made public
 * +100 Blackmail potential
 * -300 Dignity
 * +280 Disgusting stories

[Habeus' special healing spells] Chance on hit: Everyone in group apart from Magwitch gets healed, she dies and then you motor on without letting her get her mana up first, she dies again and Dufferin makes some derogatory comment about Mages being rubbish compared to Warlocks
 * +200 Shadow damage
 * +50% Chance to just do damage dealing instead of healing like you're supposed to

[Magwitch's Aggro Radius] Use: On entering instance every mob grins and says "ha!, it's maggy, let's paste her, don't worry, it's not like anyone will heal her", mobs then rush player slotting them within 10 seconds
 * +100% chance to aggro everything in instance at once
 * -20,000 Armour

[Zornam's taste in clothing] Use: Player's imp goes out shopping and buys Dufferin outfits that pimps would regard as tasteless
 * +200 Tackiness
 * -2,000,000 Taste

"Zornam is Dufferin's imp"

[Thepol's Coffin] Use: Player develops delusion that Coffin's are comfortable and takes to sleeping there, fellow missionaries regard the whole thing as very odd but are too polite to say anything
 * +300 Fish Smell
 * +200 Chance to look like some ghastly undead meerkat bobbing out of Coffin on logging on

[Fae's Approach to Motherhood] Chance on hit: Every single RP player makes some sort of threat to your child, whether it's straight murder or Janner's plan to abduct the ugly child and have it perform in travelling freak shows
 * +20% Chance Stormwind Social Services will take your kid away
 * +200 Tendancy to hang round in Pubs moaning about how hard life is while kid wonders streets

[Draenei Alt's pretentiousness] Use: Player becomes boring blue demon who attempts to subdue Stormwind through the power of naaru related boredom
 * +20% Chance to hang round cathedral acting all holy but not actually doing anything
 * +100 Ability to piously lecture Scarlets
 * +60% Ability to wang on about the light but not actually do anything useful like execute warlocks

[Berdrin's Legendary Cluedo Anecdote]

Trinket Use: Player intantly analyses nice family game in deeply unsavory fashion attributing to all players horrific and sometimes totally implausible *ahem* intimate motives for their conduct
 * +56,000 Rudeness
 * +20% chance of serious laugh-related prolapse

[Habeus' special healing spell] Chance on hit: Magwitch dies instantly and spends the rest of the instance bihatch-emoting you
 * +600 Shadow damage
 * +10,000,000 Denial that you're a priest and shouldn't be damage dealing

[Illidor's nipples]

Trinkets Use: Player wangs on about Elune and is protected by 'shield of lore' absorbing 785 ignorance damage and silencing entire RP channel for 2 minutes
 * +40% chance to bother everyone with your big blue nipples
 * +200 pretentiousness

[Elizabetha's Tongue]

Trinket. Use: Will cause Undeads to flee in terror and Shadow wrecks to moan in endless agony.
 * +2000 Healing Spells.
 * + 9000 Annoying Endless Yapping About The Holy Light.

[Elizabetha's Book]

Held in off-hand. Use: This empty book is just utterly confusing as the pages are blank and will stun an enemy for +5 seconds per level.
 * + 500 Confusion.

[Elizabetha's Everlast Chastity Belt]

Pants. +50 Armour. Use: Will negate any pregnancy attempts and works as an instant turn-off.
 * +999999 Warding off would-be courters.

[Richeron's Key]

Trinket Use: Will open [Elizabetha's Everlast Chastity Belt]
 * +100 Seduction of Blind Female Paladins
 * +200 *Nudge Nudge*

Item nerf:

[Elizabetha's Everlast Chastity Belt]

Pants Use: Will negate any pregnancy attempts and works as an instant turn-off.
 * +999999 Warding off would-be courters.
 * +50 Armour.

Can only be opened successfully by [Richeron's Key].

[Brother Habeus' "Flash Heal"] Chance on hit: Kills Magwitch and heals all enemies attacking her
 * -200 Concentration
 * +70% Chance to be concentrating on guild chat instead of dying team

Chance on hit: Provokes furious mage-death-related argument

[Katherita's backstory]

Unique

Trinket Use: Illidor hears backstory, collapses and dies in Lore related heart attack
 * +100% Chance to baffle people
 * +50% Chance to be related to Elune and Sylvanus

"Illidor - if you haven't heard it yet just don't"

[Ball of String]

Trinket

Use: 95% chance of turning Entriia into a playfull kitten for 30 minutes.

[Ormsby's Backstory]

Trinket

Use: 99% of not knowing who's side your really on and being very very confused.

Equip: 100% chance of being reanimated by Kel'Thuzad at Dalaran and being his @#@!@ for the next 6 years!

[Louise's pants]

Leg armor Equip: These are wet.
 * +100 Temper Tantrums
 * -100 Puberty

[Richeron's Lovely Black Dress]

Chest +9000 Confusing Elizabetha. Use: Will cause the player to live at Goldshire, dance on a mail box and spam duels while shouting, "Dance nekkid 20s plz!"
 * +100 Oddity.
 * -2000 Respect.

[Merwyn's Giant Rigid Cactus]

Binds when picked up

Two-Handed Mace Equip: Increases number of phallic imagery on #RP by 1.
 * +500 Strength
 * -500 Agility

Chance on hit: A spike falls off and instantly kills Tribian, Seynard or Ceadric.